Dittany and Datura
by aberrantstrain
Summary: Sometimes, in the afternoons, Lily would roller skate the fifteen blocks to Spinner's End and wait for Severus by the gate that led in to his stark little yard...
1. Planet Queen

Lily laughed.

They were sitting in her bedroom on the floor, and bright afternoon sunshine was pouring in through the open window. Severus had been spending more and more time at Lily's house as his father grew more and more unpleasant over the course of the holiday.

On the floor before them were two long rolls of parchment, one covered in a looping tidy writing, the other in miniscule spidery scribbles. After they'd double checked one anothers work, and were satisfied that they had missed nothing (The essay was 'Varieties of Perceptions of Witchcraft in modern Muggle Society'), they had Fizzing Whizbees and Chocolate Frogs to celebrate.

When Lily told her mother that they had finished with all of their homework for the holidays, Mrs. Evans insisted they come downstairs for large bowls of ice-cream with hot fudge and cherries. Severus ate his reservedly, having refused the treat the first time, and eating it now only because it was foisted upon him by Mrs. Evans, who never dared say it out loud, but thought that Severus was much too thin.

Mrs. Evans had plenty of opinions, (That Severus needed new clothes, needed a wash and a haircut, that it was a crime that his mother didn't take more interest in him, that it was no wonder he liked to come over so often) but as these opinions were kept to herself, they were never communicated through more than a vaguely disapproving air that leaked out any time Severus' parents (and especially his mother) was mentioned.

Eileen Prince-Snape never served ice cream. And that wasn't the only difference between Lily's house and Spinner's End.

At Lily's house, things were tidy and well maintained. The carpets were vacuumed. Things were dusted with at least semi-regularity. In the evening, the family talked together over the gentle burble of the television playing in the background.

The kitchen always smelled like something good, and the avocado colored linoleum counter tops were shiny and clean. If something broke, it was fixed, not left in a state of disrepair.

Severus and Lily made peanut butter and banana sandwiches, spreading the slices of bread thick with peanut butter, standing in their sock feet as Lily slid around on the waxy, slick surface of the kitchen floor and Severus smiled in an un-self-conscious kind of way, watching her.

Sometimes, in the afternoons, Lily would roller skate the fifteen blocks to Spinner's End and wait for Severus by the gate that led in to his stark little yard, but Lily had never been inside his house, and only met his mother a few times.

When they got back to Lily's house they listened to records like Led Zeppelin or David Bowie in Lily's room, laying around on Lily's bed reading Petunia's diary (which was all about the latest fashions, other girls at school, and a muggle called Vernon), or watched Top of the Pops with Lily's parents.

Severus sat through television programs and commercials alike, enduring a constant diatribe of muggle nonsense so he could sit on the couch with his thigh against Lily's, feeling the vague heat of her body, smelling the faint waft of sweet shampoo smell that came from her hair when she turned her head. Sometimes, if it got late, she would fall asleep on him, her head tucked against his shoulder.

He loved that, and would remain as still as possible in order not to wake her, until it was time to go.

Later, after they weren't friends any longer, Severus would think angrily of all the time he wasted watching stupid television just so he could be close to Lily, who never wanted him at all, Lily, whom he would always love.

Lily liked to play Slade or T-Rex for Severus, who preferred Black Sabbath or Alice Cooper if they were going to listen to muggle music, even though he was always willing to comment sardonically on the fact that they were muggles singing about dark magic, something that amused him in a mean kind of way.

Though he'd never admit it, some of his fondest memories were of sitting with Lily in her bedroom among the feathers and seashells and glitter and cracked tea-cups that were sometimes turned in to rats, listening to her music and staring at her as she told him all about this charm or that potion.

It was always mostly easy for Severus to talk to Lily, except about his personal feeling for her. Despite his inability to communicate his feelings, or perhaps because of it, he was possessive in an unspoken way- she was his girl.  
>The way she met his eyes so readily, the way she always seemed to understand what he was trying to say, even when he stammered vulnerably and stumbled so weakly over his words- these things were like constant reminders that he was not brave enough to say what he needed to say, because Lily and her manner toward him was so encouraging and honest.<p>

They met at the playground and impressed one another with bits of magic they had read about ('Have you ever heard of splinching?'), and talked often of what they thought they might like to do after they left Hogwarts ('Did you know that the Ministry pays witches around 15% less than they do the average wizard?')

Together they discovered that potion making did not violate the restriction of under age magic, and they brewed all sorts of interesting things without getting in to any trouble at all.

They experimented with Essence of Euphoria (adding roses and mint to cut the taste), and found themselves in a floaty haze of pleasant feeling all that afternoon.

Shortly thereafter, Severus was proud to present Lily with liquid extract of the essence of the Venemous Tentacula, which he had made himself, secretly, for one particular potion that Lily had wanted to brew.

Sometimes, when Severus' dad was being particularly nasty, he was allowed to sleep over. After Lily had asked permission, Lily's mum would nod her head in an understanding fashion and make up a nice place for him on the couch with crisply clean mismatched sheets and a fresh flowery printed pillow case.

On these nights, Lily and Severus would stay up late, brewing potions or talking, playing cards and records loudly as they could without waking up Lily's parents or Petunia.

Around midnight, Lily's dad would come upstairs and check in on them, turning out the lights throughout the house as he went. He would poke his head in to the doorway, tell them not to be too loud, and say goodnight. Assured of his daughter's safety in Severus' company, he would go to bed and rest easy, and smile at Severus at breakfast.

When they were awake together in the quiet hours of the early morning nothing else seemed to matter, the stillness of the night would steal over the rest of the house except for Lily's room, which was like a little island of light and life and activity.

She would sit on the floor beside him, a jumper pulled over her summer dress, her pale, naked legs curled beneath her as they thumbed through their combined collection of potions manuals and books, looking for new things to try and cook up.

There were times when they talked about potions and it was as though they were talking about something else entirely- talking about themselves, perhaps. The subtlety and sensitivity of their potion making skills were mirrored in their responses to one another.

They were an excellent team, a perfect blend of logic and intuition, right down to the receptive gestures of their body language; a flick of the wrist towards the other, a slight tilt of the head as Severus leaned forward to pluck a white feather from Lily's dark red hair, the inclination to sit facing one another.

All these unconscious choices on their part began, over time, to build up in Severus' mind, forming in to a kind of crazed certainty. Never before had he felt so sure that they would be together, that they were together. They had never been closer.

Of course, it was easy to feel that way over the holidays. The holidays were different.

With the long, warm days stretched before them, the promise of afternoons by the river, or of evenings spent in Lily's back garden could not be spoiled by the fact that they would return to their separate houses at Hogwarts with their separate classes and separate sets of friends.

There was an upside to this- even though they saw much less of each other over the school year, it meant a little more when they did.

Somehow, it was almost worth enduring Potter and Black's awful torment; Seeing the look on Potter's face as he was led away by Lily, her hand in his. She would squeeze his fingers encouragingly and pull him along with a determined air, destined for some secluded nook where they could talk undisturbed. Her beautiful mouth would utter reassuring phrases as she straightened his tie or tucked his hair behind his ear, unfailingly, a soothing hand to smooth his troubled brow.

..."Don't listen to them, Sev. Look at me."...

It was easy not to listen to them when they were alone, unhindered by gossip or the opinions of their friends, which were generally negative- Lily's friends thought Severus was creepy; His essays in defense against the dark arts were prolific, even reverent, and as his interest in the dark arts grew, so did the time he spent reading in the restricted section. Everyone knew he was studying up to join You-Know-Who. Or at least, that was what Mary Macdonald said.

Severus' friends' opinion of Lily, while much less founded, was also more crude: to them, she was just another stupid mudblood.


	2. Cosmic Dancer

"And if this poisons me, what are you going to do?"

Lily rolled her eyes at him, but she was grinning. "Shove a bezoar down your throat."

Severus laughed outright.

They were about to try a 'Draught of Freedom', which seemed innocent enough, but the oddly un-specific description of the potion and it's affects was slightly troubling, albeit intriguing- usually, potions they copied from 'Moste Potente Potions' contained highly detailed, ultra-specialized descriptions of the affects of the potion itself.

This one, however, only stated that the potion produced "a feeling of euforia moste powerful, propensety for lafter at greate lengths and a feeling of greate freedom," and that it ought to be a "faire pink shade."

Lily had wanted to try it first (of course), but Severus had protested this idea. Though it seemed unlikely that they would poison themselves, the unusually glib description of the potion itself seemed curiously innocuous, even a bit suspicious.

"We don't know what it does." He told her, stubbornly.

Lily gestured towards the parchment on to which the potion had been copied. "Sure we do, Sev. It makes you euphoric."

"Lily, I couldn't forgive myself if.." He started over. "Let me try it first, and you can monitor my behavior.. and observe what it does to me. For the sake of academic research. As potioneers." He added, with a small smile.

"Fine," she huffed. "But if it doesn't kill you, I'm drinking it, too. I didn't slave away with you for two weeks so you could have all the fun."

She did have a point; They had worked hard on this one.

"Fine," he agreed, and looked down at the contents of the chipped teacup he held in his long-fingered hand. The potion was a lovely, pearlescent pink color, exactly as it ought to be, according to the description. More or less.

He smiled at her and put the cup to his lips, taking a deep drink. Afterwords, he licked his lips thoughtfully and a languid smile crept over his face.

"How is it?"

"Delicious," he said. He looked down in to his cup curiously, before draining the rest of it.

"How do you feel?" She asked. He thought about it. A feeling of keen lucidity was stealing over him, a sharpening of the senses that was both pleasant and unnerving. Tiny details leapt out at him, and his senses seemed to be heightened. Colors were brighter, and the room suddenly felt very warm.

"I feel good.. It seems subtle. I might have a bit more."

"Well, you aren't dead, so I guess I'll be having some, too." Lily said quickly, and reached for the glass Coca-Cola bottle that they had put it in.

"So much for observing the affects of the potion," He said wryly, watching as she poured a fair amount in to her own teacup. The potion itself looked like liquid moonstone, or pink molten metal. She smiled and raised her cup towards Severus, who wore a mystified look upon his thin face.

"You look amazed," Lily told him, before downing her dose of the potion. She raised her eyebrows in surprise as she set her cup down. "Wow, that is good, isn't it?"

"I think it must get stronger as time goes on," he told her, fiddling idly with his empty teacup. "I'm really feeling it, now." He leaned back against the drawers of her desk, watching her with dark, large pupil-ed eyes. Patterns revealed themselves to him, coming out from every surface, and the carpet crawled interestingly beneath his hands. Lily seemed to be enjoying herself, looking around at everything in a kind of undisguised fascination.

While Lily felt as though the restrictions of everyday life were melting away, as though everything in the world were right and pleasant, Severus found that the potion made him feel rather introspective and thoughtful.

He was suddenly thinking of Lily, lovely before him, and of how much he wanted to tell her the truth about how he felt for her. However, just thinking of the prospect of telling her, of merely mentioning anything in conversation that implied his thoughts on the subject, made his heart slam around in his ribs like a frightened creature in a cage.

Sometimes he found that the words were hanging dangerously on the end of his tongue, waiting to be said, despite the fact that he felt physically sick at the thought of speaking them. What could he possibly say to her to show her how he felt? What if she didn't feel the same as he did? What if she did? What would he do then? Would he kiss her and hold hands with her in the halls? Would he take her to the ball next year, and dance with her in a clumsy, shuffling way? They already sat together in the classes they shared, studied together, and saw each other over their free periods.

Lily was pouring more of the potion in to her teacup, and Severus handed her his cup for a second dose. When the cup was full, she handed it back to him, her fingertips brushing against his as she did so. His cheeks flushed with color and he hid behind his cup, sipping it so he wouldn't blurt out something that he might regret.

"Penny for your thoughts," she said, taking a drink of the pink potion.

Severus deliberated on how much he wanted to share. "I was just thinking of the potion," he lied. "I'm glad we decided to brew it, you were right."

Lily beamed at him and poked him in the ribs a little. His mind thrilled, _she's touching you!_ "You were the one who suggested we brew something fun," she said, shifting in order to sit next to him. Boldly, she lifted his arm and draped it around her shoulders, settling in against him so that her head rested on his shoulder.

Suddenly he felt his earlier bout of melancholia fading away. Just as it was possible that she felt nothing for him beyond friendship, it was equally possible that she might feel something more for him, especially when she was keen to get close to him. Did people who were merely friends sit like this, touching, nestled against one another? He wanted to stroke her arm, to lean his chin against the top of her head, to smell her hair, but he did none of these things.

It had only been since the end of the school term that they had initiated this new kind of closeness- she had done this to him once before, and that had been when they had first gotten home from school. They had taken the Elixer of Euphoria and Lily had been keen to curl up against him and fall asleep while he read '_Unusual Potions for all Purposes_'.

That afternoon, he had tried hard to concentrate on his book, and not on the straining erection that was hidden beneath the heavy tome in his lap. Silently, he prayed that he would not become so aroused that he couldn't hide it.

"Lily," he said, timidly. His breath quickened as he let first his fingertips rest against her bare arm, then, when she didn't shake him off, his whole hand.

She turned her head to look at him, smiling a tiny smile. He smiled back, uncertainly.

"I think the potion has gone to your head."

"Hardly," she whispered. She lifted a hand and pushed the hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear, giving him nothing to hide behind.

"Don't," he whispered helplessly, turning his head away, his cheeks burning.

"Sev," she said, so softly that he yielded, and turned to look at her again.

And just as he moved to kiss her, Petunia opened Lily's bedroom door.

"Lily, are you h-WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Petunia cried.

Lily and Severus sprang apart and Lily made a mad dash for the door. "How many times have I told you to knock first!" She demanded, before slamming the door in her sister's face.

Severus shook his head and shifted uncomfortably. The moment was over.


	3. Fairies wear Boots

"You were kissing that horrible boy!" Petunia accused, somewhat hysterically.

"His _name_ is Severus! and No, I wasn't! Do you know why? Because you barged in! Petunia! Why can't you EVER KNOCK?"

"I can't believe you want to kiss him." Petunia said sourly from behind her crossed arms. They were standing in the hallway, Petunia before her bedroom door, Lily lingering in her own. "He's ugly," Petunia said meanly, "and he's creepy."

Lily ignored these comments. "You know what, Petunia? It's none of your business who I want to kiss! And anyway, I know all about that _fat_ muggle Vernon you like so much!"

"You leave Vernon out of this, freak!" Petunia shrieked, and slammed her bedroom door.

Lily stood there for a moment, fuming.

She realized rationally that she couldn't possibly expect Petunia to understand what she and Sev shared. Lily knew for a fact that Petunia didn't have a real best friend, and probably didn't know what it was like to be close to a person in quite the same way that she and Sev were close. Petunia's comments still stung, however, and she found herself dwelling on them unhappily.

It was true that Severus wasn't good looking in the traditional sense- she could acknowledge that, and she knew that there were plenty of girls who looked him over because he didn't fit the usual idea of what 'attractive' was, and didn't take very good care of himself, but Lily liked him just the same, and liked him as he was, which Lily happened to think was quite special. She didn't think he was ugly at all- in fact, she thought he was rather handsome.

She wasn't exactly sure when she had started to think that Sev was good looking (or, at least, not bad looking). Her perceptions of him changed so subtly that she hardly noticed them changing at all, until they were radically different from what they had started out as.

Lily began to notice little things about him, as though seeing him for the first time; the narrowness of his hips in his faded black clothes, the hunch of his shoulders, always so guarded, the quickness of his mind when set to a task.

It seemed as though for a long time, she and Severus had maintained a kind of polite distance from one another. They were close, but not too close. Lily had always felt a little uncertain about what might happen if they did grow closer- However, over the holiday, it had seemed as if that distance between them had melted away.

They told one another secrets, they invented new spells together, they brewed potions they weren't supposed to, they had adventures and inside jokes and little games they played. She liked being with him.

She liked his long, capable hands with their sensitive, careful fingers, she liked his overlong hair, always hanging in his face, she liked his dark eyes and his sardonic nature. There was something about him that the other boys did not possess, something sophisticated and ultra-fine, sharp as the head of a pin.

And so what if she wanted to kiss him? There were worse people she could be kissing.

After their almost-kiss, Severus had spent most of the next week hiding in his house. He didn't even mind the oppressive presence of his father, so elated was he.

In the dim half-light of his dingy bedroom he would close his eyes, the better to relive that moment when he had been so close, the better to imagine again her soft voice saying his name.. He kept lifting his fingers up to his mouth in disbelief, trying in vain to recapture that faintest brush of Lily's lips on his own before Petunia had ruined everything.

When he finally got the courage to call Lily on the phone, she was friendly and eager to see him, but didn't mention what had happened, to his mixed relief and disappointment.

They agreed to meet under the trees by the river, and just to make sure that he didn't miss her, he went early, walking from Spinner's End through the nicer neighborhoods towards their spot.

Did she fancy him? Could it be possible? Never in all his dreaming did he imagine that they might actually kiss, or that she might possibly reciprocate what he felt for her. Not that he'd told her, but surely after what had happened she must know. How could she not? The way she'd said his name, the way she was always pushing his hair out of his face. There was almost no denying it.

Lily must fancy him.

When he reached their spot beneath the trees he sank in to the grass to wait, pulling the second edition of 'Unusual Potions for all Purposes' out of his bag.

He was just getting to the chapter on the various uses of Datura when Lily appeared beneath the trees beside him, smiling. She was wearing a lemon yellow sundress and had a long green ribbon in her hair, and was carrying a flask under her arm.

"I've missed you," she told him, settling down beside him. Severus' mouth twisted in to a small smile at this declaration, but his eyes followed her movements in a hungry fashion.

"You were gone all week! I brewed this while you were gone, it's a Pick-Me-Up potion."

"Out of curiosity, have you had any yet?" He asked, taking the flask from her. He undid the top and smelled it.

He had been afraid that he would feel awkward, or that he wouldn't know what to say to her to make things feel normal between them, but he was pleased to find that Lily seemed like her usual self, apparently unconcerned with what had happened before.

"No, I thought I'd wait for you," she told him. He smiled at her and took an experimental drink of the stuff. Lily might have been the only person he would accept a potion from, sight unseen.

"The peppermint is a nice touch," he told her, smacking his lips. A warm, invigorated feeling stole over him, spreading through his limbs and leaving him with a sensible, clear-headed feeling.

She took the flask from him and helped herself to some of the potion.

"I was just reading and I think I might have found something that might be fun to brew, it's called the Draught of Delight."

"I've heard of that!" Lily said suddenly. "Slughorn mentioned it last year."

"What did he say?" Severus asked. "Do you remember?"

"That he enjoyed taking it in his youth, so you know it must be a good one."

Severus nodded. "It's supposed to be. And it looks fairly uncomplicated compared to the Draught of Freedom. So, it should be easy."

"Do we have everything we need between us?" She asked, taking the book out of his lap and looking at the list of ingredients.

"I don't have any nettle."

"There's some in my back garden."

Lily, for her part, wanted to talk about what had happened just as much as Severus did, but wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject. She couldn't just bring it up out of nowhere, could she?

But just when she thought she might, Severus did it for her.

"So, what did Petunia say?" He asked, trying to sound casual, ignoring his heart hammering in his chest. In his mind, so very much was dependent on what Lily said.

Lily rolled her eyes, shook her head and laughed. "Oh, you know. The usual. You're horrible and creepy, I'm a freak, she can't believe I would kiss you, that sort of thing."

"What did you say to her?" He asked quietly, swallowing.

"I just said it was none of her business who I want to kiss, and I told her that we weren't technically kissing anyway, and then I called her boyfriend fat." Lily laughed again, and Severus smiled.

"Well, he is, isn't he?"

Lily nodded. "She's really just upset that _her_ boyfriend isn't allowed over when you are. I guess it technically isn't very fair, but it's just that you.. well, you're different, and Mum and Dad like you. They hardly know Vernon."

But Severus had scarcely heard what Lily had said after that. Breathing a great sigh of relief, he sank back into the grass behind him and stared up at the shifting leaves, green and gold in the sunlight.

Being referred to as Lily's boyfriend was almost as good as getting a second chance to kiss her.


	4. Coz I love You

_The Draught of Delight._

Lovage  
>Knotgrass<br>Mandrake  
>Ground Moonstone<br>Fluxweed  
>Ginger<br>Aconite  
>Nettle<br>Boomslang Skin  
>Alihotsy leaves<br>Orange  
>Flobberworm Mucus<p>

_Over a simmering cauldron add ground nettle, shredded boomslang skin, ground moonstone, fluxweed and ginger. Let simmer until a deep red color is achieved._

_Knotgrass, diced mandrake, one half orange (juiced) added. Desired color is a deep orange._

_Let simmer two days, stirring twenty-two clockwise stirs every twelve hours._

_Add 1/8 gram powdered aconite, one dried Alihotsy leaf, and one gram powdered lovage._

_Add mucus of flobberworm to thicken. Stir twenty two times with a counterclockwise stir after every twenty-second stir. Color should be palest orange._

_Let stand 24 hours. Serve._


	5. Diamond Meadows

The curtains were closed against the bright afternoon because _Unusual Potions for all Purposes_ said that generally light sensitivity was a side affect of the Draught Of Delight. However, several bars of rich sunshine were streaming through anyway, illuminating a million motes of glittery, shifting dust.

Mesmerized, they watched this for a long time with dilated pupils until the bar of light had slanted up the wall and gone away.

"I feel like I'm dreaming." Lily told him.

By all accounts, the Draught of Delight turned out to be nothing less than delightful- euphoric and lucid, it also produced a feeling of surreality. Much like the Draught of Freedom had caused them to see things in textures, so now, too, did the carpet crawl with patterns, seeming to inch away while simultaneously going nowhere beneath Lily's hand.

Severus watched the popcorn ceiling undulate slowly, as though gently breathing.

Somewhat similar to the Elixer of Euphoria, the Draught of Delight contained several of the same components, but was fundamentally different at its core because it used lovage and Aconite in a small dose, which was technically a poison- however, in moderate or small doses, the Aconite will take on a mild hallucinogenic affect.

The Draught of Delight was also unusual for its use of Alihotsy leaves. Known to cause hysteria, a half leaf alone produced more than enough excitement for an afternoon.

It had been fun to brew, unchallenging but pleasant, well within their range as potioneers. Two days to simmer, adding mucus of the flobberworm as a thickening agent on the third day and stirring it twenty two times clockwise, and then once counterclockwise.

The rose had been their own addition to the recipe, which suited the rest of the potion just fine, and went so well with the rest of the ingredients that the rose was only notable in the scent of the potion and not the taste, which was sweet and creamy.

Lily gleefully giggled and then seemed to gain some measure of control over herself.

"Oh man," she hiccuped between fits of laughter, "I know it's the Alihotsy, but I can't help it."

"No use trying to fight it." Severus said simply.

Though his highs and lows weren't nearly as drastic, he did notice that every now and again it was as though a great swelling of excitement and anticipation were within him, ready to boil over and throw him into fits of near-ecstasy. This, he assumed, was the Alihotsy, much in the way that he assumed the hallucinations were the Aconite taking effect.

A comfortable silence settled over them, punctuated only by Lily's occasional hiccuping.

After a time, Lily reached forward and took one of Sev's hands in her own. For a second he looked at her uncertainly, his heart jumping into his throat at her sudden touch. He had been hoping and hoping that she might try to cuddle up to him again, but she hadn't. But perhaps there was hope yet, he thought. He knew on some level that this would be the perfect opportunity to make his move if he were brave enough; Lily had invited him to stay the weekend while her parents and sister had gone to the sea.

"Let me give you a palm reading."

"That's a terrible idea," Severus told her, but he was smiling.

"Oh, come on, I got top marks in divination."

"I'm sure," He said, archly.

Lily uncurled his hand, straightened his fingers and peered at his palm curiously.

"You've got the straightest fate line I've ever seen, Sev. That's impressive. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what that means, but it definitely means something."

Severus rolled his eyes, but leaned forward a little, peering down at his own hand as if seeing it for the first time. "Your love line is also very straight, it's one unbroken line, with no chains or side-lines. Whoever you fall for will have you for life," Lily said lightly, turning his hand in hers. "No child lines, though. Well, you don't want children anyway, do you?"

"I don't like children," he said, shaking his head.

"I think you'd be a good father," Lily told him confidently.

"Really? Even though my father's so awful?"

"Maybe because of it."

Severus shrugged and Lily continued on with the reading.

"Your life line is very interesting, see how broken up it is? Its almost as if there are two lines running side by side.." Lily prodded a few fingers in to the fleshy part of his palm at the base of his thumb.

"Your mount of Venus is very full." She looked up in to his thin face. "I bet you'd be quite the romantic with the right person. A classical lover type."

Severus blushed and pulled his hand away. "You just made all that stuff up." He said, looking at the floor, the wall, anywhere but at her.

"No I didn't!" Lily protested laughingly. "I've still got my copy of Unfogging the Future around, we could look it up."

"I'm not looking that stuff up," Severus said with a small smile. He chanced a look at Lily, who was smiling back at him.

"You'll have to take my word for it, then," she told him.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Lily was still thinking of Sev's palm reading.<p>

The idea of Sev being someone's lover intrigued and titillated her. What would it be like to have those long fingers in her hair, or tracing the line of her jaw? What would his arms feel like, wrapped around her waist? What would his kisses taste like in her mouth? She licked her lips, chasing the phantom of Sev's imagined kiss, and turned over in her bed.

The clock on her bedside table told her that it was 5:40, and outside the sky was beginning to lighten in to a deep cerulean.

On the floor beside her bed Severus slept, a long thin heap beneath the extra blankets that her mother usually kept in the hall closet. His hair fanned out over his pillow, and his brow was smooth and unlined in sleep. Lily peered at him in the blue early-morning darkness, studying his pale, narrow face. He seemed so solitary in sleep, not weak but somehow vulnerable, lying there by himself, his shoulders rising and falling softly.

In that moment, he was beautiful to her, and she realized with a pang in her chest that she wanted him.

Seizing her pillow, and grabbing her blanket from the bed, she quietly climbed out of the warmth of her sheets and stepped over her sleeping friend. Without waking him, she made a place beside him. Moving close against his back, she put her forehead in the space between Sev's shoulder blades and promptly fell asleep.


	6. Moonage Daydream

Lily was kissing him, and he was plunging his hands in to her thick hair, relishing the feel of it in his fists while her hands slid down his stomach, undoing the button on his trousers, searching him out.

He moaned into her mouth and arched his hips, eager to feel her touch, to know what she would be like, to have her for his own once and for all,

and that was when Severus woke.

His general impression of things was one of being sweaty and painfully aroused. His blankets (not really his, but used enough by him to be familiar) and trousers had all twisted up around his legs in the night, constricting his erection uncomfortably.

Blearily, he shifted and struggled, trying to untangle himself and attempting to untwist his pants. Kicking one of the blankets down around his feet, he turned over and was met by the sight of Lily blinking sleepily at him.

"Fancy meeting you here," she said softly, and he smiled, pleased but confused.

"What're you doing on the floor?" He asked her, curiously.

"I couldn't sleep," Lily said, "and you seemed to be sleeping perfectly comfortably, so I thought I'd try the floor, too," she answered, seeming to cuddle into her blanket. "And I have to admit, you were pretty lonesome looking down here, all by yourself."

"How can someone look lonesome when they're asleep?" He asked, smiling to himself. He stretched under his blanket, yawned and sat up.

She looked so beautiful to him in the dimness of the room, with her freckle-sprinkled nose and cheeks, her lovely creamy skin and her red hair, sleep-tangled, tumbling and sweet smelling around her pillow..

Dreaming of her, being so near to her, and waking up next to her were all like an intoxicant; all he could think of was drawing her close and kissing her perfect mouth, of recreating his dream.

"You were in my dream," She said, surprising and unnerving him.

He smiled, and admitted somewhat shyly, "You were in my dream, too."

"You tell me yours first," Lily said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Then I'll tell you mine."

Severus cleared his throat and began to wildly invent a plausible dream. "..I dreamed we were at school, and going to one of Slughorn's parties, only when we got there I couldn't find you, then when I did find you we were in some part of the castle I'd never been in and we couldn't find our way back."

"What did you dream?" He asked, shifting to face her.

She smiled and sat up.

"I dreamed that you needed the leg hairs of a tarantula for tarantism potion, but you didn't know how to get the actual hairs off of the tarantula's legs so you killed it.. but in my dream you felt guilty about killing it just so you could harvest it's leg hairs and I told you to eat it and gain it's spiritual strength like the American Indians believed, and then I dreamed that we were at school and you were kissing me."

It was so casual, the way she said it, as if they kissed all the time. Severus looked at her, his face lit up with undisguised pleasure.

"Did you really dream that?" He asked, looking at her. He didn't care a thing about tarantism potions at the moment, but he was intensely interested to know what her kissing dream had entailed. Suddenly, his hands were sweaty and his heart was leaping in his chest.

Lily didn't have a chance to answer him, however, because Severus suddenly leaned forward and kissed her, and this time there was no one there to interrupt them. It was such a spontaneous act that Severus didn't even have time to worry about what Lily might be thinking.

Lily, in fact, was thinking how lovely it was to finally kiss him, how nice to have the curiosity of her fantasy satisfied. Her hand went to the back of his neck, her fingers twisting in his unwashed hair, drawing him closer. He moved to oblige, rising on to his knees to move nearer to her and opening his mouth to meet her tongue.

When they broke apart, Severus was breathless, exhilarated, his cheeks highly colored.

"That was the best kiss I've ever had." Lily declared proudly, poking his knee with a fingertip.

"I thought you'd never kissed anyone!" Severus said, suddenly painfully insecure.

"Just you," Lily answered with a smile.

* * *

><p>"I know it's here somewhere," Severus told her, pulling his hands out of his bag and sitting back on his heels. He was crouching above his shapeless black bag, looking for the tiny vial of ground moonstone that he had brought for her.<p>

It had gotten late faster than either of them had expected it to, and reluctantly, with the sun sinking in the sky, Severus had kissed her softly on her lower lip and told her that he should probably get back home now.

He frowned and withdrew a few slender volumes from the bag, setting them on the floor beside his shoe as he peered into the depths of the bag, shifting this and that around with his hand as he looked.

Lily, sitting on the floor across from him, picked up the volumes and read their spines with mild interest. The third edition of 'Usual Potions for all Purposes', a book called 'Practical Charms for Wizarding Gentlemen', and 'The Darke Artes'. Lily's blood froze in her body. The Dark Arts? What was this?

"What's this?" Lily asked, suddenly tense, holding up the small black book for Severus to see.

Severus glanced up and then looked back down in to his bag. "Just something I'm reading,"  
>He said, casually. "Here's your moonstone," He told her, offering her at last the little vial full of shimmering powder.<p>

She took the vial from him, but wouldn't be deterred. "Why are you reading it?" She cracked the book open and took a look at the table of contents. "Possession and magical dominion over other persons? Undetectable Poisons and Inheritance Powders? Jesus, Sev, this stuff is evil.. Where did you get this?"

"It's not evil just to read about it, Lily." He told her reasonably, reaching for his book back. "I borrowed it, it isn't mine," He added, becoming defensive when she didn't hand it back right away.

"I just can't believe you're reading this for fun." She told him, finally handing it back to him. "I also can't believe that you would steal something out of the Hogwarts library." He stuffed it in his bag, along with the other two books.

"It's not for fun, and I didn't steal it.. I'm going to take it back. Besides, you know Hogwarts doesn't provide their students with a very well rounded education.. There are plenty of things that we should all know that they don't teach."

"Like the Dark Arts?" Lily asked coldly, becoming increasingly upset as their conversation progressed.

"Lily, don't be stupid, I thought you would understand," he said, standing up and shouldering his bag.

"I'm not being stupid!" She said indignantly, looking up at him.

"..I didn't meant it that way.. I just thought.."

"I don't think you thought at all," She said tartly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Lily! I didn't mean you were being stupid!" He began, before starting over. "I just think that the best way to protect myself is to educate myself.."

She shook her head, not wanting to hear it. "You should probably go, I know your Mum must be expecting you."

Severus sighed and looked at her. "Lily.."

"I'll see you later," She said, with an air of finality that chilled him.

He let himself out of the Evans' house and on to the dark lawn, cursing himself for ever having brought the book along. It was a rotten way to end what had otherwise been a great day, and Severus was determined to get back in to Lily's good graces.


	7. Beltane Walk

Almost directly after Severus had left (having forgot to close her door in his haste to go), Petunia came out of her room and lurked in Lily's open doorway. Lily suspected darkly that Petunia might have been spying on she and Severus.

"Go away." Lily told her from the bed where she was sitting, sounding somewhat more miserable than she would have liked. Petunia's presence felt antagonistic and smug- she was sure Petunia would take the opportunity to say something nasty, especially if she had been listening in.

Lily's stomach was churning with unpleasant feelings already, and her heart was beating very fast. She and Severus had never fought before.

"That boyfriend of yours hurried out of here quick." Petunia said smoothly, leaning against the door frame.

"Get out of it, Petunia!" Lily said, standing and going to the door to close it.

"My boyfriend never calls me stupid," Petunia said acidly, as Lily shut the door in her face.

* * *

><p>In Severus' first year, Eileen Prince-Snape had enchanted her son's trunk to make room for the extra books he wanted to bring with him to Hogwarts- however, as Severus grew in years, so had the capacity of the trunk, until his fourth year, when it was evident to Severus that he could no longer reasonably bring his entire collection with him to school, or there would be no room left for his cauldron and underpants, despite the trunk's multiple expansions.<p>

He had tomes of curses and counter-curses, books full of jinxes, books full of hexes, personal accounts of encounters with werewolves, vampires, banshees, ferocious hags, trolls and giants. He had all of Arsenius Jigger's critical essays on potion brewing in a single published volume (it had been Eileen's at one point), The Ultimate Compendium of Poisons Volumes 1 and 2, and all five volumes of Unusual Potions for all Purposes (also originally his Mother's). He had histories on the modern hex, the development of the unforgivable curses, perceptions of the Dark Arts in Wizarding England...

In essence, he had a body of information on the dark arts to rival that of most experts. He knew more curses, hexes and spells than most seventh years, and probably a fair few of the professors.

Now, on the phone with Lily, he didn't have to lie, exactly, when he said he wasn't practicing the dark arts- After six years of intense study (two at home and four at Hogwarts), he hardly had to practice the basics anymore.

Lily cradled the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

She was standing in her kitchen in knee socks and a skirt, worrying the chocolate-colored phone cord in her nervous hand, twisting and untwisting it around the length of her pointer finger. Her green eyes were downcast as she listened to Severus on the other end:

"I know you're upset with me, but it's willfully ignorant of you to not see the advantage in knowing these things, Lily."

Lily's mouth dropped open in shock. Willfully ignorant, was she?

Severus continued. "You're the best girl in our year, and if what everyone is saying is really true, it'd be foolish of you not to learn everything you could about what you might be up against."

Lily felt her anger rise in a reactionary tide, then fade in the face of his compliment. So he thought she was the best girl, did he? This pleased her, which caused the rest of her anger to disappear all together under the umbrella of his frank sensibility. He had a keen way of making her feel as though she had blown things out of proportion.

"There's a huge difference between studying with defensive aims and studying for personal use." Severus swallowed and was silent for a moment, noting how strange it was to hear this statement come out of his own mouth. "I just want you to see that."

He was sitting at his kitchen table beneath the dim light fixture that hung above him, while his father was out and his mother upstairs. His finger absently traced the scratches and knicks in the surface of the wood as he cradled the telephone between his shoulder and his ear.

Lily had been waiting for his phone call all day, and yet had still been upset enough not to call him first. Naturally, he had apologized, but the Dark Arts were no laughing matter to her, and it disturbed her still, the ease and nonchalance with which Severus had shrugged off the book and its contents. And though this lingered in the back of her mind, she believed him when he said he wasn't practicing.

Lily said nothing, quiet in her contemplation of his words. He did have a point, and she felt almost sheepish for having been so angry.

"I wouldn't lie to you about my opinions, Lily." He told her, and a guilty heat rose in his face.

For the most part, he didn't consider his omissions of truth to be lies. They were more like gaps of information missing from what he thought was safe to share with Lily.

She was vaguely aware of the fact that his essays in their DADA classes were twice as long as anyone else's, but had never really considered what that might imply.

For as close as they were, she was not aware of how keenly the Dark Arts fascinated him. He knew that if she was to be made aware of the full extent of his interest, she would probably object, or even decide not to see him anymore.

"I know you wouldn't..." She said softly, then paused, listening. "No, I know. I'm just sorry I overreacted, I feel awful about it, Sev. I don't want to fight."

Severus' voice crackled on the other end of the line.

"I want that, too," She said, nodding solemnly. She listened to him for a few more minutes before she smiled, a radiant affair that lit up her face.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked, licking her lower lip as a thought of their kiss swam through her mind. She was glad not to be mad at him anymore, glad to be rid of the sick, squiggling feeling that had lingered in her stomach when she had thought of him during their dispute.

"I'll be over around one," he promised, before telling her goodbye. He pushed the chair out from under the table and stood up, crossing the kitchen and hanging up the phone.


End file.
